Yes, I will be posting soon. There is much to tell. Life has been a whirlwind since BSW. A good whirlwind. New friends, growth, acceleration in the kingdom, provisions, gifts, glory, grace. I will be updating on all of this in my next post!
Well this is my last week of Worship School! It's hard to believe it is almost over, but I am very glad to be coming home soon to be back with my Two Rivers Church family!
I spent the weekend in San Francisco with my 9 roommates to watch fireworks, and boy was it worth it! Here is a video of it:
As you may know, there are a lot of international students at the school, including many of my roommates. I spent the evening with an Austrailian, a Brit, two Norwegians, a New Zealander, and a Canadian! It was fun to show them a little bit of USA culture aka, blowing stuff up to coordinating music. San Francisco puts on a great fireworks show. Probably the best I've seen thus far! (Yes, better than Rhythm and Booms in Madison, WI!).
While we had a lot of fun in San Francisco, we definitely saw some of the dark sides of the culture. As we walked the streets, we encountered all sorts of people: parents yelling at their kids, drunk people, homeless, homosexual couples, street preachers, etc. I am sure we all felt the darkness at different times as we walked the streets exploring and shopping. We didn't do much ministry while we were there, because we weren't there for that purpose. But a lot of times, ministry happens when we don't plan it. It's just a matter of being open to hearing God's voice, and obeying when we hear Him in the moment. On Sunday we did run into a homeless lady, or maybe she ran into us. We shared a cupcake with her and then she asked us "are you Youth With a Mission?" Haha. We ended up buying her a meal at Burger King because she hadn't eaten. I said to some of the girls later that we must look like good Christian girls or something ;). It was also an indication that YWAM was making an impact on at least the homeless community of San Fran because she knew about them and that they do stuff like we did! It was a cool experience, but also heartbreaking because we knew that there is so much more to life than just getting a meal. I left wondering where she had come from, what she has experienced in her life and asking God to bless her and for her mind, soul, body and spirit to be renewed in Christ.
As we were driving out of the city after fireworks, we were able to notice our surroundings a lot more because we were in gridlock traffic for about an hour to get out of the heart of the city. As we slowly inched along the street, we drove past Christian Science and Unitarian churches, strip clubs, and tarot/psychic places. We decided to blast worship music and just shovel the Holy Spirit out the windows of the car towards these places to release the Kingdom on them, and we imagined ourselves on top of the roofs of the tall buildings singing "Rooftops" by Kim Walker. It was a glorious time :).
As you may know, there are a lot of international students at the school, including many of my roommates. I spent the evening with an Austrailian, a Brit, two Norwegians, a New Zealander, and a Canadian! It was fun to show them a little bit of USA culture aka, blowing stuff up to coordinating music. San Francisco puts on a great fireworks show. Probably the best I've seen thus far! (Yes, better than Rhythm and Booms in Madison, WI!).
While we had a lot of fun in San Francisco, we definitely saw some of the dark sides of the culture. As we walked the streets, we encountered all sorts of people: parents yelling at their kids, drunk people, homeless, homosexual couples, street preachers, etc. I am sure we all felt the darkness at different times as we walked the streets exploring and shopping. We didn't do much ministry while we were there, because we weren't there for that purpose. But a lot of times, ministry happens when we don't plan it. It's just a matter of being open to hearing God's voice, and obeying when we hear Him in the moment. On Sunday we did run into a homeless lady, or maybe she ran into us. We shared a cupcake with her and then she asked us "are you Youth With a Mission?" Haha. We ended up buying her a meal at Burger King because she hadn't eaten. I said to some of the girls later that we must look like good Christian girls or something ;). It was also an indication that YWAM was making an impact on at least the homeless community of San Fran because she knew about them and that they do stuff like we did! It was a cool experience, but also heartbreaking because we knew that there is so much more to life than just getting a meal. I left wondering where she had come from, what she has experienced in her life and asking God to bless her and for her mind, soul, body and spirit to be renewed in Christ.
As we were driving out of the city after fireworks, we were able to notice our surroundings a lot more because we were in gridlock traffic for about an hour to get out of the heart of the city. As we slowly inched along the street, we drove past Christian Science and Unitarian churches, strip clubs, and tarot/psychic places. We decided to blast worship music and just shovel the Holy Spirit out the windows of the car towards these places to release the Kingdom on them, and we imagined ourselves on top of the roofs of the tall buildings singing "Rooftops" by Kim Walker. It was a glorious time :).
Freedom From Religion
Labels: culture, Grace, honor, Kingdom, love, supernatural
So I have so many things to process and write about that I don't even know where start. Culture of Honor is a huge deal here. Danny Silk even wrote a book about it (highly recommend!). So I have read the book and I really liked it but it's way different when you experience it. Remember when Tom came back from Bethel a few weeks ago, and said that the way they view and enact 'grace' here is something he can't even share on Sunday because it would offend people. Well, I experienced that grace first hand. I'll spare you the details, but I have a friend who lives here who has gone through all three years of School of Supernatural Ministry, and I have really hurt her over the past couple years by the way I have been living my life. When I realized I was sinning and realized how much what I had done hurt her I was really sad and heartbroken that I had done that to her. I knew in my heart that I had made a mess and hurt her, and I wanted to make things right with her by acknowledging to her what I had done, that I could see how it affected her, and that I was heartbroken that I did that and I don't want to do it again. I set up a coffee date wit her to hang out, and my secret plan was to ask her for forgiveness. She had no idea what my plan was. She thought we were just hanging out.
So I have to be honest, I was really nervous about this. I thought she would totally not want to be around me and I was preparing myself to face the consequences of my actions. I was about to be really vulnerable about my mistakes and sins against her, and I was a little scared of what she would do with that information. I was preparing to get hurt.
Two days before this scheduled meeting, I actually saw her at local event where a lot of Bethel students were hanging out. She came over to me and chatted with me, and treated me like a normal person. Whoa! I was so blown away. That totally relieved my fears about dropping this bomb when we go hang out at Starbucks in two days.
So two days later is finally the day, I was so nervous but based on the prior meeting I was able to relieve my fear a little bit. We chatted about so many things it was so delightful. It was like chatting with another dreamer who is going hard after God and the things of God (which is who we both really are). It felt so good. She treated me like I meant something, like nothing bad had ever happened, eventhough we both knew that it did. Then I shifted gears and brought it up. I acknowledged all the things that I had done that hurt her, and let her know that I was disgusted with what I did, that it is not the real me, and that I am heartbroken that I did that to her.
I asked her for forgiveness.
She was so delighted that I brought this up and had recognized everything. She explained her experience and how it really had hurt her, and she told me that she is proud of me for recognizing all of it. She was so happy to forgive me and show me grace. She told me that she wants me to be free, and be who I really am, (which is by the way, not a sinner, but a saint and a royal priest!). This floored me. I saw this culture of honor that I have read about actually happen to me right then and there. It was liberating for both of us, and it definitely restored the standard to live like a royal priest again. She really got this culture of honor and grace thing, and she didn't administer it by talking about it, but rather living it.
The thing about supernatural, Jesus-like grace is that it allows lots and lots of messes. LOTS of messes. Haha. Someone here said the deeper the hole someone digs in this culture, the more gold they will find. Read Luke 7:37-50. It's the story of an "especially wicked sinner" who was an outcast to society that came to pour out her worship on Jesus, and she was forgiven by Jesus. The man whose house this happened at disagreed with this because he had some religious thing in him saying that it was inappropriate and wrong. So often the people who make the biggest messes are outcast. Not forgiven. Not accepted. But Jesus says this,
It really is an inside, outside, upside-down kingdom. We need to get this if we want heaven to invade earth. There is no religion in heaven. There is limitless Grace and Love.
So I have to be honest, I was really nervous about this. I thought she would totally not want to be around me and I was preparing myself to face the consequences of my actions. I was about to be really vulnerable about my mistakes and sins against her, and I was a little scared of what she would do with that information. I was preparing to get hurt.
Two days before this scheduled meeting, I actually saw her at local event where a lot of Bethel students were hanging out. She came over to me and chatted with me, and treated me like a normal person. Whoa! I was so blown away. That totally relieved my fears about dropping this bomb when we go hang out at Starbucks in two days.
So two days later is finally the day, I was so nervous but based on the prior meeting I was able to relieve my fear a little bit. We chatted about so many things it was so delightful. It was like chatting with another dreamer who is going hard after God and the things of God (which is who we both really are). It felt so good. She treated me like I meant something, like nothing bad had ever happened, eventhough we both knew that it did. Then I shifted gears and brought it up. I acknowledged all the things that I had done that hurt her, and let her know that I was disgusted with what I did, that it is not the real me, and that I am heartbroken that I did that to her.
I asked her for forgiveness.
She was so delighted that I brought this up and had recognized everything. She explained her experience and how it really had hurt her, and she told me that she is proud of me for recognizing all of it. She was so happy to forgive me and show me grace. She told me that she wants me to be free, and be who I really am, (which is by the way, not a sinner, but a saint and a royal priest!). This floored me. I saw this culture of honor that I have read about actually happen to me right then and there. It was liberating for both of us, and it definitely restored the standard to live like a royal priest again. She really got this culture of honor and grace thing, and she didn't administer it by talking about it, but rather living it.
The thing about supernatural, Jesus-like grace is that it allows lots and lots of messes. LOTS of messes. Haha. Someone here said the deeper the hole someone digs in this culture, the more gold they will find. Read Luke 7:37-50. It's the story of an "especially wicked sinner" who was an outcast to society that came to pour out her worship on Jesus, and she was forgiven by Jesus. The man whose house this happened at disagreed with this because he had some religious thing in him saying that it was inappropriate and wrong. So often the people who make the biggest messes are outcast. Not forgiven. Not accepted. But Jesus says this,
"Therefore I tell you, her sins, many [as they are], are forgiven her--because she has loved much. But he who is forgiven little loves little.Wow! Wow! Wow! When someone hurts us, we have the power to free them from prisons. When we hurt someone we have the opportunity to experience a greater revelation of Love. He works all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). There is no 'plan B' with God. He just takes every mistake and ugly thing and turns it into a jewel in your crown. The more you are forgiven, the more love you will have to pour out.
48And He said to her, Your sins are forgiven!
49Then those who were at table with Him began to say among themselves, Who is this Who even forgives sins?
50But Jesus said to the woman, Your faith has saved you; go (enter) into peace [in freedom from all the distresses that are experienced as the result of sin]. -Amplified
It really is an inside, outside, upside-down kingdom. We need to get this if we want heaven to invade earth. There is no religion in heaven. There is limitless Grace and Love.
I wanna be with You
where You are
You're the Servant of all
I'm in love with a King
who became a slave
And I'm love with a God
who is humble
And you gotta go down
if you wanna go up
And you've got to go lower
if you want to go higher and higher
And you've got to hide and do it in secret
if you wanna be seen by God
Cos' it's the inside, outside, upside down kingdom
where you lose to gain and you die to live
I wanna be Your lover
so show me how to go how to go lower
For in the depths I will find You
where You're serving my brothers
where You are
You're the Servant of all
I'm in love with a King
who became a slave
And I'm love with a God
who is humble
And you gotta go down
if you wanna go up
And you've got to go lower
if you want to go higher and higher
And you've got to hide and do it in secret
if you wanna be seen by God
Cos' it's the inside, outside, upside down kingdom
where you lose to gain and you die to live
I wanna be Your lover
so show me how to go how to go lower
For in the depths I will find You
where You're serving my brothers
-Misty Edwards
Today was my first day of class at the Bethel School of Worship. We started the day with, well, live worship music! It was an amazing time of extended worship. It felt like we were pressing in for God to breakthrough, and the leaders kept singing spontaneous prophetic song after song. It was amazing and by the end if felt like we finally broke through something in the atmosphere. We were jumping and dancing and singing "I'm not ashamed to act this way, because you will be praised!" It felt like we were singing and dancing with the angels in worship. One of the key things I learned today is if you want heaven to come to earth, create an atmosphere that is like heaven....and that is what we did this morning!
One of the reasons I came to Bethel was the sense of community and "down-to- earth"ness of this place. While Bethel is becoming more widely known throughout the world, and Bethel music production is taking off, these people are totally real and human to me. They remember where they came from. They have hobbies like hunting and shoe collecting. Brian spoke about living a supernatural lifestyle, which is super natural. We are naturally doing life, and our life is worship. It is a lifestyle of communing with God, and communing with each other. We are family. This is the type of culture that I want to cultivate at 2RC. We are in a season of hiddenness (personally and as a church) and we need to appreciate these times because one day that might change. Because if we don't learn how to strengthen ourselves in the Lord now, in the hidden season, we will not last long in coming seasons. (1 Sam 30:6... also see Bill Johnson's Strengthening Yourself in the Lord).
The other major lesson I learned today was to refuse to be intimidated. Let's be honest, I am surrounded by amazing people who are much more skilled that I am and know a lot more than me, but the truth is, there is no one who can love God like I do. I am an original. There is no one like me, and I was made to create a sound that no one else can make. And just so you know, these claims are for you to make as well because it is true about every single person on earth! Each person has a song in their DNA and there is a sound missing when you simply act as a copy!
I have definitely learned a ton and been stretched in many good ways today from jumping/dancing to voice lessons, and I am excited to be molded and stretched in new ways tomorrow!
One of the reasons I came to Bethel was the sense of community and "down-to- earth"ness of this place. While Bethel is becoming more widely known throughout the world, and Bethel music production is taking off, these people are totally real and human to me. They remember where they came from. They have hobbies like hunting and shoe collecting. Brian spoke about living a supernatural lifestyle, which is super natural. We are naturally doing life, and our life is worship. It is a lifestyle of communing with God, and communing with each other. We are family. This is the type of culture that I want to cultivate at 2RC. We are in a season of hiddenness (personally and as a church) and we need to appreciate these times because one day that might change. Because if we don't learn how to strengthen ourselves in the Lord now, in the hidden season, we will not last long in coming seasons. (1 Sam 30:6... also see Bill Johnson's Strengthening Yourself in the Lord).
The other major lesson I learned today was to refuse to be intimidated. Let's be honest, I am surrounded by amazing people who are much more skilled that I am and know a lot more than me, but the truth is, there is no one who can love God like I do. I am an original. There is no one like me, and I was made to create a sound that no one else can make. And just so you know, these claims are for you to make as well because it is true about every single person on earth! Each person has a song in their DNA and there is a sound missing when you simply act as a copy!
I have definitely learned a ton and been stretched in many good ways today from jumping/dancing to voice lessons, and I am excited to be molded and stretched in new ways tomorrow!
What is Worship?
Labels: God, heart, worship
I have a huge desire to activate people to live lifestyles of worship. Music is actually not the only form of worship. This is something I try to teach the teens on my youth worship team. Last night I saw them practice a form of worship that made me so proud. All of the chairs in the sanctuary were stacked up in other rooms because the floor had been waxed. Rusty was still bringing the chairs back into the room while the band was arriving. So what did the teens in the band do? Start helping him put the rows back together! That, my friends, is worship. Now it is true that worship must come from a heart that wants to love on God.
Here is an amazing clip on a living a lifestyle of worship:
There are a lot of amazing points that Kim makes here that I absolutely love and I think it would change the way we worship when we come together on Sundays. I won't mention all of them (because hopefully you watched it and heard them ;) but I will point out a couple.
1) "Why do I feel like I have to work it up?"
Okay, this question is HUGE. Keeping my connection with Jesus throughout the week is so essential to having an amazing corporate worship experience whenever I gather with the brethren. This right here would change the atmosphere of corporate worship drastically.
2) Having an un-offended heart
This is also very huge. It's so easy to be offended with God about whatever circumstance in our life. Sometimes we can't get to a deep place with God because we are offended. And believe me, I have definitely been there and withheld my heart from him. A verse that comes to mind is James 1:2-3:
For I delightGod wants our hearts, not our works. Now the deeds that we do that come from a heart of worship, that is good. But doing deeds in order get something from God? That is messed up. Think about it: if someone did something special for you because they just simply loved you, and they didn't expect anything back from you, isn't that the kind of friend you would want? But if someone did the same thing but with the motive of getting something from you, would you be pleased?in loyalty rather than sacrifice , And in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings . Hosea 6:6
Here is an amazing clip on a living a lifestyle of worship:
There are a lot of amazing points that Kim makes here that I absolutely love and I think it would change the way we worship when we come together on Sundays. I won't mention all of them (because hopefully you watched it and heard them ;) but I will point out a couple.
1) "Why do I feel like I have to work it up?"
Okay, this question is HUGE. Keeping my connection with Jesus throughout the week is so essential to having an amazing corporate worship experience whenever I gather with the brethren. This right here would change the atmosphere of corporate worship drastically.
2) Having an un-offended heart
This is also very huge. It's so easy to be offended with God about whatever circumstance in our life. Sometimes we can't get to a deep place with God because we are offended. And believe me, I have definitely been there and withheld my heart from him. A verse that comes to mind is James 1:2-3:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.We must persevere through the trials and questions we have. We need to lay down our "right" to answers and say, "God, I want YOU more than I want answers."
Inheriting Dreams
Labels: dreaming, Father's love, inheritance, LOTR
I've been wanting to start a fresh blog for a couple months now. I am hoping for this to become a place where I can share my heart for worship and what is going on in my process of life.
I have recently made many big steps of faith. For one, I stopped working on my graduate degree. This was a difficult decision because I don't like to quit, and I really felt like God called me to move to Arizona to get a Master's in counseling. But something in me shifted about three months ago. Close to New Year's, I was watching Lord of the Rings:Return of the King. There is a specific scene that struck a chord with my spirit this time (I have watched it many times). Aragorn is sleeping in his tent, the eve before riding across country to war. This war is on his homeland, and this land is actually his inheritance. You see, he is the rightful king of the land, but he has been living in the wilderness in hiding for many years. He is awakened to an unexpected visitor, Elrond the elf lord. He brought Aragorn his reforged sword. This is not any old sword, this is the sword of his forefathers. The sword that defeated the darkest enemy of his ancestors. The sword of his inheritance. This sword is not his inheritance. It is symbolic of his inheritance. He must use the sword to summon armies that can only be summoned by the one who can wield this sword, and it is with this sword that Aragorn defeats the enemies occupying the land and kingdom that he is the rightful ruler of.
This moment of the movie shifted my spirit to believe that I 1)have an inheritance and 2)I have the ability to occupy the land that is mine and 3) battle is required in order to take that land.
As this was brewing in my heart for a couple weeks, I remembered the moment I knew that I was supposed to move to Arizona. I was visiting over spring break, leading worship at the Two Rivers Church youth retreat. Could that be the reason I moved here God? What was that seminary thing all about? Why would you call me to do something and then ask me to lay it down before I finish it? This didn't fit in my paradigm of how God works. He is not who I thought he was. I am not who I thought I was.
Today, I am not in school. I don't have a plan except to get closer to Abba. I am learning to listen to what he is saying, instead of asking for answers. I'm dreaming with him. A lot. Probably more than the American church is comfortable with. Probably not enough.
I'm writing this personal experience here to be an encouragement to you. As I am discovering more about myself and God, I fully realize that he has an inheritance already waiting for every single person. We are all sons and daughters of the King of the universe, and he loves you. He really REALLY loves you. Those dreams in your heart that seem impossible to accomplish, He put those there. They are impossible and you cannot accomplish them by yourself, but God so eagerly desires to accomplish them through you.
Every inheritance is a good and perfect gift from Him, and He has birthed amazing dreams in our hearts. And isn't it wonderful to know that he isn't shady about it?
I think I can dwell in the truth that God is a good Father for the rest of my life.
I have recently made many big steps of faith. For one, I stopped working on my graduate degree. This was a difficult decision because I don't like to quit, and I really felt like God called me to move to Arizona to get a Master's in counseling. But something in me shifted about three months ago. Close to New Year's, I was watching Lord of the Rings:Return of the King. There is a specific scene that struck a chord with my spirit this time (I have watched it many times). Aragorn is sleeping in his tent, the eve before riding across country to war. This war is on his homeland, and this land is actually his inheritance. You see, he is the rightful king of the land, but he has been living in the wilderness in hiding for many years. He is awakened to an unexpected visitor, Elrond the elf lord. He brought Aragorn his reforged sword. This is not any old sword, this is the sword of his forefathers. The sword that defeated the darkest enemy of his ancestors. The sword of his inheritance. This sword is not his inheritance. It is symbolic of his inheritance. He must use the sword to summon armies that can only be summoned by the one who can wield this sword, and it is with this sword that Aragorn defeats the enemies occupying the land and kingdom that he is the rightful ruler of.
This moment of the movie shifted my spirit to believe that I 1)have an inheritance and 2)I have the ability to occupy the land that is mine and 3) battle is required in order to take that land.
As this was brewing in my heart for a couple weeks, I remembered the moment I knew that I was supposed to move to Arizona. I was visiting over spring break, leading worship at the Two Rivers Church youth retreat. Could that be the reason I moved here God? What was that seminary thing all about? Why would you call me to do something and then ask me to lay it down before I finish it? This didn't fit in my paradigm of how God works. He is not who I thought he was. I am not who I thought I was.
Today, I am not in school. I don't have a plan except to get closer to Abba. I am learning to listen to what he is saying, instead of asking for answers. I'm dreaming with him. A lot. Probably more than the American church is comfortable with. Probably not enough.
I'm writing this personal experience here to be an encouragement to you. As I am discovering more about myself and God, I fully realize that he has an inheritance already waiting for every single person. We are all sons and daughters of the King of the universe, and he loves you. He really REALLY loves you. Those dreams in your heart that seem impossible to accomplish, He put those there. They are impossible and you cannot accomplish them by yourself, but God so eagerly desires to accomplish them through you.
EVERY good and perfect gift is from above coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all He created. -James 1:18
Every inheritance is a good and perfect gift from Him, and He has birthed amazing dreams in our hearts. And isn't it wonderful to know that he isn't shady about it?
I think I can dwell in the truth that God is a good Father for the rest of my life.
